new(ish) year's resolution

I'm not a big fan of the big, formal new year's resolution; so often it's just a way for people to feel disappointed in themselves by mid-February. All the same, I've spent this winter thinking quite a bit about how to change my life for the better, how to make myself happier and more productive. This has been coming for a while, but I just figured out tonight how to articulate what I want to do differently.

From here on out, I want to try to treat myself the way I treat the people I love. Kind of a reverse golden rule I guess; would that be a lead rule? It is kinda heavy. (Oh, man, I crack me up.)

So that's a nice, simple little sentence, but what does it mean? I'll have to work it out as I go, but so far I've got some pretty simple, basic things that I think might make a big difference. I always like to cook and clean for the people I care about. I have no idea how many hours I've spent in David's kitchen, but it was certainly more often his than mine in the years he lived here. Most often I was washing his dishes while, back at my place, there was a sad, dirty, cramped little kitchen in need of my attention. So, we'll start with the basics: For the rest of January, I'm going to take care of my home as thought there were someone else living here, someone I loved and wanted to impress. (Man, subjunctive tense is a bear, but I kinda want to bring it back after writing sentences like that!) Keep the kitchen clean, vacuum more often, take care of the houseplants, hang the laundry as soon as it's washed, all those things I let slide when I don't feel good. Also, I'm going to spend more time cooking tasty, nutritious food. This is something I'm very good at doing, even on a budget, but so often I don't bother when it's just me. So, I'll try to focus on those two, cooking and cleaning, for the next fifteen days and see how I do.

I'll re-evaluate in February and see how I'm doing. If I've managed those with any regularity, maybe I'll be ready to add something new. Or maybe I'll just congratulate myself. Possibly I'll need to remind myself that in the middle of January I thought it was a really good idea, and I should try a bit harder to make it happen. We'll just have to see.

Resolved: I deserve to be treated well, even by me. Especially by me.