Mirror v. Mask

I'm thinking today about the phenomenon of knowing the self through knowing others, or at least attempting to. (Attempting to think about it or attempting to know me through you? Yes.) This idea is huge and sprawling, links naturally to more things than I could fully explain in a lifetime, let alone this afternoon's blog post. There's all of psychology and most of literature, for starters, not to mention every single interpersonal interaction I've ever had. Sociology has a role here (though I'm not entirely comfortable saying that in any situation), and hive/swarm/collective consciousness theories are applicable. Jung and Campbell are pertinent. I should probably do a thorough, historical examination of philosophy. There's a nifty little essay by David Foster Wallace about the role of media in creating consciousness that's very apt. I think there's some art theory on this concept as well, especially as it pertains to portraiture, but my body of knowledge is sadly limited to the liberal arts and so-called social sciences. Oh, biology too, with the mirror neurons and Paul Ekman's overlap between physiology and psychology. I think Darwin had some stuff to say about that as well. Richard Dawkins probably could contribute if he were around (or if I actually got the gumption to read some of his work myself instead of just letting my friends share what they've read. Ooooo, check out that mirror action!)

What got me started on this was a snippet of conversation last night with Clark where I mentioned that I don't like driving, which he hadn't realized, and I tried to explain how it's mostly a fear thing. That got me thinking about how David often talked about fear as a motivating force, usually as a criticism of certain societal trends but occasionally in reference to specific behaviors or individuals. I sometimes thought that was a little hypocritical of him, and then he picked up and moved to California all on his lone wolf lonesome leaving me to eat my (unspoken) words. (Watch out, I feel a big ol' extended metaphor coming! But I think I'll leave it unwritten for now and come back to it another day. Note to self: I have a voice.->expand) But several times since he moved out there he's mentioned the theme of looking for peace and dealing with anxiety.

I've come to realize that what he articulates as anxiety I often refer to as depression. Psychologically speaking, the two are distinct but interrelated, but without a firm grounding in psychology no one can be expected to differentiate consistently. That got me to wondering about the relationship between anxiety and fear. I tend to use them more or less interchangeably, with the primary difference being in scale: fear is bigger. But, is that right? Well, since words have exactly as much power as we collectively give them, I decided (in good academic fashion) to go consult an authority on words. Being a child of my age, that authority was Wikipedia.

"Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable."* (I'm not blogger enough to use real footnotes, but the asterisk will do.)

At many times in my life I've avoided driving and social situations far more than is healthy or reasonable, so I suppose that might elevate those two from anxiety to fear, but right now they are both largely unavoidable if I want to be successful, so maybe anxiety is the right word. I'm trying to do more of both, and unsurprisingly they get less scary the more I do them. The "social" fear is mostly about rejection and humiliation, which are subjective experiences that combine the external threat aspect of fear with the uncontrollable aspect of anxiety and wrap it up into one terrifying, overwhelming package. For me, at least. This writing about it is one mask I can put on it to make it less overwhelming for me. For anyone who's reading this and relating, it becomes a mirror.

I like this metaphor! I'll have to explore it some more, but another day. I have driving and socializing to get to. (EEK!)

*Öhman, A. (2000). Fear and anxiety: Evolutionary, cognitive, and clinical perspectives. In M. Lewis & J. M. Haviland-Jones (Eds.). Handbook of emotions. (pp.573–593). New York: The Guilford Press.