We all know how I feel about hope, right?

I think maybe, just maybe, I see the pieces starting to fall into place, and soon enough I'll remember that sense of resolution, that particular self-possession and self-control it took me so long to cultivate.

I feel like myself today. And I did the day before yesterday as well. And, I think, several times over the last week. That's a strange, vaguely agrammatical thing to say, but my overarching aversion to optimism won't allow me to clarify it much more, even in my own mind.

I'm looking forward to the holidays, confident that I will see people I love and that they will be happy to see me. I honestly can't say whether or not that's happened before (my confidence, of course, being the thing which is so often lacking). There will be hugs and laughter and long nights with nothing better to do than talk until the sun comes up. If I'm perfectly honest with myself, I can't imagine anything better than that.

Can you hear me smiling, internets?