Finally.
Last night I intended to have a quiet dinner in with a friend, and instead I somehow ended up at the local gay club for karaoke night. As horrific as that sentence sounds, it was actually one of the best nights I've had in a long time. There was (responsible, moderate) drinking and (ridiculous, excessive) dancing, and for about three hours I lost track of everything except laughter and music and good company. Josh has taken to calling me "lesbian bait," which really isn't anything new for me, but it's pretty flattering and totally worry-free; I establish up front that I'm straight, they flirt anyway, and everyone has a good time. Now why can't it be that simple when I'm actually attracted to someone?
Rhetoric aside, that's a pretty good question. The obvious answer is because I care too much, and I'm wondering what I can do to change that. I had such a delightful time last night with these smart, witty, charming people, and I didn't waste any time worrying that I looked weird or can't dance or any of that. I bought a couple drinks, had a couple bought for me, and just laughed and moved and wore myself out. It amazes me, in retrospect, that I wasn't a big spazz or totally awkward, or even particularly nervous. I was charming and fun to be around, and even got a couple compliments on my dancing. I had a good time. Dancing. At a club. I was sweaty and unselfconscious and apparently still rather attractive. I want to learn to tap in to this energetic, positive self at other, more important, less inebriated times.
My legs are so sore today, and my mood is better than it's been in weeks. It's sunny and warm outside, and I've already done my homework for the weekend. I think it's time to take a lawn chair out and do some reading in the sun.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
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3 comments:
I apologize, Kari if we were the friends that you were supposed to have a quiet dinner with. I didn’t get your message until this morning (Monday). Got to love technology. Also we had an incredibly busy weekend (parents came in and I had some art submitted in a small exhibition). Anyway, glad you had a great time dancing and such. Maybe we will try to get together this upcoming weekend (and use email, which will probably find a way to be just as unreliable as our phones).
Also I just noticed your "Up" and "Down" labels. They struck a resonate chord with me, probably due in large part to their simplicity.
No, I actually saw the person I had made plans with on Friday; those plans just changed to include "clubbing," as the kids say. My idea to drive down and see you guys came on Saturday and was totally spur of the moment. I ended up at a housewarming party instead, but I fully intend to to come visit you some time soonish, when our schedules align.
I'm glad you like the new tags. I wanted them to be basic enough to be useful, and this allows me to grab all my blog-posted poetry in a single click, as well as see the general tone of a certain span of posts in at a glance. It was inspired in part by your suggestion of a topographical mood map. :)
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