Life as Normal

And what does that mean, anyway? For now I suppose it means work – and since I went without posting for over three months, I suppose I should bring you all up to speed. I’m still at the university, but now I’m working as the graduate secretary in the physics department. It’s absolutely wonderful, and I love the people I work with: the other secretaries, the faculty, and most especially the students. The work itself is general secretary fare, making copies, answering phones, compiling inane, meaningless reports, etc, etc… (The King and I, anyone?) But boring as those things may be, I’m honestly helping people more often than not, and that makes the tedium more bearable. The people I work with are just plain above average intelligence, absolutely without exception. Every last one of them. It’s wonderfully refreshing, and there’s a very high geekiness factor, so people even laugh at my jokes more often than not. I can’t remember the last time that happened. And the fact that a good number of the grad students happen to be remarkably intelligent, attractive, and charming young men my age? Icing on the cake. Departmental policy stipulates that I not date them, but makes no mention of persistent flirting. It makes even the longest days pass quickly and pleasantly.

As for home life, Ben and I continue to tacitly ignore each other 90% of the time. I wish I had known years ago how much easier it is to simply ignore him in return, rather than scrabbling for morsels of his affection. I’m happier and have more time to pursue my own interests without his commentary. And his occasional guilt trips, remarkably, aren’t working. More than anything it irritates me, his pettiness and double standards. I’m very much looking forward to having my own space, making my own decisions without anyone second-guessing me.

My social horizons just keep broadening, and it amazes me every time I stop and realize how many friends I have, and what an exceptional quality of people they are. I’m very fortunate, much more so that I deserve, and I hope I can re-learn how to be the kind of friend I used to be, loyal, considerate, and generous, without falling back into some of the bad habits that came with that. My friends deserve my best, and could probably do without the neediness I’m so loathe to go back to. So, for now: Try to remember when I get home at night that I have options beyond just picking up a book, and that my friends would like to hear from me; balance listening and talking, and make more of an effort to remember what’s going on in other people’s lives; don’t assume that I’m imposing any time I call or visit. It doesn’t come naturally yet.

I’m learning, and personally, I think I’m doing a pretty good job. Thank god they’re all so patient.