needles

pathos -> pathogen

when i was five my mother called
old women to lift my shirt and say
german measles
though the doctor only said measles
with a needle in my arm
there were so many:
tetanus locks your jaw after
being pierced by rusty metal
and is prevented by
being pierced by shiny steel

penicillin in my hip and a dead leg
for three days, no bananas for fifteen years
no cats and a bottle of benadryl in every room
with a k on top, and so saying
pediatrician
was easier than saying hero

they saved me
from pneumonia, strep throat, blood in my lungs, asthma, chronic
sinusitis, pneumonia again, we thought it was consumption
tuberculosis tests by broken pathogen
like everything else
a needle in my arm
ear infection, throat infection, lung infection: idiopathic
pneumonia again, and every other winter a week in bed
doctors' orders, pill bottles lined up and I speak
pseudoephedrine, diphenhydramine, loratidine, acetaminophen,
depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, insomnia
the writers' disease
Enough.

If I have to choose, I'll take
rusty metal
and gather up bananas
cats and poetry,
laugh at the pollen on my grave.

and the wheel keeps on turning

Ten points to anyone who can figure out which song I'm referencing there. Tip: it's one of the more obscure turning wheel songs, by one of those bands nobody under the age of 40 should admit to listening to. And I love them shamelessly.

This afternoon's project is working systematically through the symbols of the zodiac, with a focus on linear progression and interrelationship. Begin at the beginning:

Aires(ram): April, Fire. Assertion of ego, proclaiming the self. First step in the hero's journey. (I am.) something new
Taurus(bull): May, Earth. The growing season, sensual beauty. First tentative exploration of the world. (I am here.) growing strong
Gemini(twins): June, Air. Examining the self. Dichotomy, duplicity. The mirror and the mask. (You are, too.) partnership/pregnancy
Cancer(crab): July, Water. Defenses, nurturing, sideways problem-solving. (We are.) childbirth/parenthood
Leo(lion): August, Fire. Leadership, marshaling of inner strength and external resources. (We are here.) establish the family
Virgo(virgin): September, Earth. The harvest, abundance as a result of due diligence. (Look what we made.) provide for the family
Libra(scales): October, Air. Justice and equity. Balanced decision making. (We must be fair.) dividing the harvest
Scorpio(scorpion): November, Water. Passion and narrow focus. Permeable boundaries. (I'm inside, you're outside.) looking beyond the family home
Sagittarius(archer): December, Fire. Soldier for a just cause, questing knight. (I must protect.) leaving the home/pursuing the villain
Capricorn(seagoat): January, Earth. Hermitage, gone to ground. Survival, thriving in scarcity. (I'm alone, really.) odyssey
Aquarius(water bearer): February, Air. Talking through a problem, reasoning through feelings. (We're in this together.) counselor
Pisces(fishes): March, Water. Paradox, intriguing dichotomy. Great truths and daydreams. (I am not.) enlightenment/death

Grouped by element:
Fire: Aires, Leo, Sagittarius: I am, I am strong, I can fight.
Earth: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn: Touching, weighing, hoarding.
Air: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius: Speech, science, communication.
Water: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces: Maternal, romantic, spiritual.

The spectra: Implied dichotomies of opposing signs, grouped by elements. (Those with * are inherently dichotomous themselves, so get two descriptors.)
Air-Fire: Electricity! Is it even really there?
*Libra-Aires: complex, indirect - simple, direct
Aquarius-Leo: compromise - principles
*Gemini-Sagitarius: mercurial, adaptable - steadfast, hidebound
Water-Earth: Mud. It's really there.
Cancer-Capricorn: caring for others - caring for self
Scorpio-Taurus: anxious creation - peaceful consumption
*Pisces-Virgo: big picture, meaning - details, practicality

I've got no interest in pretending the stars dictate our personalities, but these symbols aren't meant to stand alone. That sun sign is just the starting point, the foundation(id); on top of that we layer the moon sign, the emotional, intuitive self(ego), and the rising sign, the face we present to the world(super ego). Twelve symbols placed into three slots, uni-directional and open to repetition. That's twelve cubed, right? 1,728 possible combinations. A bit too ambitious for a Tuesday afternoon.

belated annunciation

In my exploration of the mythic inversion of eternal mother to virgin, how on earth did I miss Mary? Seriously, the virgin mother of God, and I don't even mention her? *facepalm*